1. |
Goodnight
01:24
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I’m sorry mom that sometimes I blame you. I’m sorry dad for never putting my trust in you. I wake up every day with the same dragged out look on my face and in the hour of my death in this hospital bed I’m screaming I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die. And every day I wake up with the same thought that one I’ll leave this place this never ending dream, that I’ll die for what I believe in. And that’s what makes me a martyr.
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2. |
Like Father, Like Son
03:43
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Keep going back to the way you left yourself, trembling, shaking at the absence of your fix. You left us like crows circling a burial ground waiting for you to come home waiting for a sign of hope. Fire runs through our veins with tears running down my face. If I could go to Florida and show you how this felt I would. I would. Like father like son addiction runs in our veins. These broken kneecaps, they’re bleeding out. I’m blacking out. I’m blacking out. We gave you our life you gave her fists. We didn’t take this for granted we cherished every moment. In hops that you’d change in hopes that you would be a better man. Like father like son I looked up to you. We looked up to you. And now I’m scared for my own best friend. We followed in your footsteps and you deceived us in the end. Like father like son.
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3. |
How Blue The Ocean Is
03:33
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Drowning in every thought that brings me back, turn off the lights again lets go back at it. I’m sick of seeing your face every time I find my place over and over again. Over and over again. A life so unsatisfied when will you see that I’m not here for you I’m here for me. I opened up my book and you ripped apart the pages and rewrote them yourself putting words in my mouth. Events that were never there to begin with you phantom limb tearing me apart again. And I’m fucking done with settling and feeling uncontent with you breathing down my neck. Looking over my shoulder to see me fall to your feet out of spite of every accomplishment you envy of me. You want me to suffer you want me to die I have come to accept that you want me out of your life. Every time we walk by we’re strangers in disguise, forgot each other's names but remember the goodbyes. I just want to see how blue the ocean is.
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4. |
Noca
02:53
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5. |
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I guess your dad got the house. I guess your moms been doing well, but what about you? So dear you, I hope you think of me with every streetlight you see, and every passing glance won’t change a thing. So yeah I’m still mad but I’m not quite as bitter I can’t stay mad when I read your letter. How many times can I say I’m sorry? How many times have you fucking lied to me? Darling, I swear I didn’t mean it. Don’t you call me that, don’t you- shut up. Don’t lay your hands on me. I was drunk, I was sad, you were nowhere to be found. Where were you the times I needed you the most?
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6. |
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You are the tree that neighbors me. We grew up sprouting leaves but the wind carried yours away. What you held inside began to show and you cover it up becoming someone you don’t know. Don’t tell me that this is right, part of me thinks that I can save you, but I’ve tried so many times. And you keep coming back trying to get another chance you swear that you will change. And I think today I was able to get through to you, bring you back out and open your eyes. All I know may be our past but you can’t deny that you want that back. Cigarette smoke warms your body in place of your mothers love. You escape reality as you mind becomes numb from the drugs. The real you is still deep down, he’s been scratching at your skin. 20 slits up your wrist, 25 to life. You see yourself dead by them. In a coffin you stole from a six foot pole in the alley on the street where your funeral won’t be seen. Open casket, right by the trash, is where He will lay you to rest.
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7. |
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Running over the cuts in my back I wish I could retrace the steps. But now my face is buried in my hands in your passenger seat. It’s the bottom of the glass again (restrain yourself) left thinking about everything we said (temporarily) but it feels like we’re losing control. Laughing, crying, screaming, anything to sleep again. Slow me down or I’ll bottom out. You’re out of luck so I’ll learn a new trick. All we do is try to drive and talk any form of conversation just to brush it off. Set it off and burn so bright, you cut me deep, it feels alright. Breathing in all your second hand smoke holding all I want to say in the back of my throat.Burn the taste of my name out of your mouth like it was never there at all. Here I am waking up past noon only to go back to sleep to numb the thought of you. It hurts to think about all that I said and how you wished that it meant more in the end. I’m not your crutch anymore. Keeping quiet when you know you’re safe. No rest but from the air you breath. I always feel like I’m losing control.
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8. |
Gallows Run
04:05
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My head is pounding with the thought of you. This smoke filled room haunts me. And though I live I don’t remember the last time I felt alive. And I’m sorry that sometimes I blame you, but I feel this was forced and I’m tired of coming home every day with the same dragged out look on my face. The gun is loaded. The bottles gone. I’ve lost my fucking mind, I can’t carry on. This lie is killing me every day, it ends today. I can’t seem to believe, I can’t trust the words you said. I can’t seem to believe you cared for me. Leave me nothing, take it all. Every memory burned every word left unsaid. I’m sorry I don’t know what any of this is, I’m sorry for being expected to know something I don’t. I’m sorry I don’t know what love is. I’m sorry for being a liar, I’m sorry for lying to myself. I’m sorry. If I could go back and make it all worthwhile I would. Where were you the times I needed you most?
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9. |
Day One
01:48
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You deserve someone who can be better than me, someone I’m not. And if it helps you at all I’ll skip town, you can cut me out. All talk and nothing to show, this Toyota Rav4 I call home. Finding comfort in the belongings you left that I still need to find the time to give back. I have been tearing myself apart, I have nothing but the clothes on my back and a handful of misunderstandings of the past year and a half. I’m gonna rip you apart and keep you all to myself. And I’m sorry I was selfish, and I’m sorry I was stupid, but I only want what’s best for you. And I hope you get your black and white house, a nice car, a happy family, like the ones we never had.
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10. |
Survivor's Guilt
03:28
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October 9th of last year standing in 40 degrees. When you needed me the most I drove down 309, how low can somebody sink? But I still hope you’re taking care of yourself, cause lord knows I’ve been trying to. I wish I showed you that I loved you more but it seems like you’re doing just fine without me. I slid on black ice on 76, the last time I’d been concussed was sometime last year in August. I smashed it against the walls in your house when they’d sweat, the silence in the living room kept me awake as we slept. I used to measure every single mile like every single one was killing me, but now I feel like I can’t get far enough away. I can’t get far the fuck enough away. Your ghost still haunts my head and I’m digging up the bones of what we once were because I can’t shake the feeling that every night I feel like I’m better off dead. But I’ll always be just the sum of my failures, and that’s all I’ll ever be to you and to every single person around me. But, tonight I’ll breathe your name in for the first time in a year and you’re making me sick to my fucking stomach. Tonight I’ll smoke a cigarette for the first time in weeks because breathing in cancer tastes better than the air that reminds me of you.
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11. |
Martyr
04:23
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Hanging by a thread between want and regret, I choke between breaths, falling in love with you now, only to never see you again. Abandon all ships, give in to the tide, I’m filled with regret with every feeling I hide. And so we sink, we're living a lie, i'm sorry i said we'll be alright. Not knowing each other's names, we throw each other to the window pane. I feel it deep in my heart. The guilt, the regret, this is my disease i'm cursed with. Abandon all ships, give in to the tide, we're filled with regret with every feeling we hide. And so we sink with every feeling we hide. I am sorry i said we'll be alright. I just am so lost, in a room of darkness, waiting for the sunrise from your window. The inside of me craves, the feeling you gave, when it was genuine, but it was never real at all. The sun comes up, i grow sober now, i dont know where i am, and this happens over again. Pull me from this ocean and take me away, cause i am only sinking in every regret i made. Pull me from this ocean and take me away cause i am only drowning in every thought that can bring me back to you.
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12. |
I Felt Haunted
03:33
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The pain doesn’t hurt the same, I thought maybe we drifted away. His words allowed me to accept what I can’t change. And maybe you would want me to feel the same. I brushed off the worst I’ve ever felt, do you even care at all? Do you even care at all? At my last gasping breath in this hospital bed, have I been fulfilled? Was it all worth it? Blood, sweat, and tears to these repressed thoughts of the last x amount of years. All these days I spent thinking of the end, about death and losing all my friends. Another year and I’m staring at the ceiling, all alone I feel your ghost leaving. I am watching you stare at what isn’t there, and for once I wish I felt haunted.
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AM0RA Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Billy Zee-Vocals
Tristan Wikler-Guitar/Vocals
Bryan Rodriguez-Drums/vocals
Chris Swanson-Guitar/vocals
Nick Magidson-Bass/vocals
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